Everything Goes Black
by Dawn Racer
Summary: The title is a song by Skillet, don't own. Neither do I own Transformers. What if the one person you loved you could never have, what if you were made for them and only them? Separated by years of fighting until the day you meet again. What if you had the chance to be with them, but at dire costs. Would you take it?
1. Prolouge

War...it has the ability to make a nation or break it.

Love, capable of making one strong or breaking them completely.

Hate, a strong emotion that corrupts even the most powerful of willed.

Those are the three most volatile things of the universe, the things that make up everyone and thing. However, whether they acknowledge that or not is up to them. I for one always acknowledged the hate that surrounded me. The war that destroyed my world, the one thing I didn't take time to consider was the love that was slowly corroding at my inner walls.

I didn't anticipate the affects it would have over me, the possible relationship I could have had with a stoic yet loyal mech. Oh how I miss him, but I fear I shall never see him again. After all, when war broke out Megatron ordered the deaths of all femmes, sparklings and younglings. Few survived, very few.

Those that were lucky managed to find refuge among the stars, those that were desperate joined forces with either faction, then there were those like me. The ones who hid what they really were until it was considered safe, however...when will that 'safety' be reached? You are never truly guarded from the perils of this world, for safety is but an illusion.

Sometimes I wish I could fabricate that illusion into reality, create it in the form of the stoic mech I see in my recharge fluxes. He haunts my waking thoughts and comatose ones. Sometimes I still awake, after so long being apart, to find myself reaching across the berth and only meeting empty space.

Everytime it happens a fresh cut is made in my spark, you'd think I would be used to it by now. I thought it would dim like an ember, but apparently that old saying, "time apart makes love grow fonder", is true. Oh how I miss him. I would give anything to go back to the way things were. To standing by his side and being his friend even though I wanted more. I'd give anything to have that...now I have nothing but a distant memory.

It's a memory that I both adore and abhor. I find myself some lunar cycles replaying the memories and contemplating on throwing them out. Just deleting them, but I know that if I do that then I would just be essentially lying to myself. I mean, who am I kidding...I couldn't delete those memories if Ratchet the Hatchet threatened dismemberment.

Unshuttering my optics from my contemplating thought process, I stared at my servos and willed myself not to leak. My bottom lip plates trembled and a drop of optic fluid dropped on my trembled fists. _Guess my will isn't as strong as it used to be...not without you here..._

Moving my fist I stared at the holopic of the mech I loved but could never have had in a million stellar cycles. A crimson visor stared back at me, navy blue armor framing it nicely. The face mask that I always wanted to take off, to see the mech behind it. I wondered briefly if he was happy, if he was okay.

Shuttering my optics, I tried to ignore the metaphorical hole in my spark. The area that He should have filled, but it was empty. My spark reaching out to an empty void.

_My love, where ever you are...I hope you're safe..._

* * *

**AN:**

So what do ya'll think? Good bad? Yay, nay?

**~D.R. Out**


	2. Astronaught

_**Can anybody hear me?  
Or am I talking to myself?  
My mind is running empty  
In the search for someone else  
Who doesn't look right through me.  
It's all just static in my head  
Can anybody tell me why I'm lonely like a satellite?**_

The soft song rang through the country side as the sleek, yet somehow bulky, XB-70 Valkyrie raced high above the old paved road. Trees blossomed in many a color, one of the multitudes of the organic Terran wonders. However, at the moment I wished everything weren't so cheerful. Didn't the trees get the memo?

_**'Cause tonight I'm feeling like an astronaut  
Sending SOS from this tiny box  
And I lost all signal when I lifted up  
Now I'm stuck out here and the world forgot  
Can I please come down? (come down)  
'Cause I'm tired of drifting around and round (and round)  
Can I please come down?**_

Primus it hurt... the ailment of a spark was not one a medic could heal. Even the great Ratchet was someone who I highly doubted could heal my spark ache. Leaking energon, torn armor, spark destabilization were a few of the many things he could handle.

_** I'm deafened by the silence  
Is it something that I've done?  
I know that there are millions  
I can't be the only one who's so disconnected  
It's so different in my head.  
Can anybody tell me why I'm lonely like a satellite?**_

_**'Cause tonight I'm feeling like an astronaut**_  
_**Sending SOS from this tiny box**_  
_**And I lost all signal when I lifted up**_  
_**Now I'm stuck out here and the world forgot**_  
_**Can I please come down? (come down)**_  
_**'Cause I'm tired of drifting around and round (and round)**_  
_**Can I please come down?**_

It was moments like this that I wondered why I continued living, why I carried on when the one that my spark called too wasn't here. Either he never recognized what my spark craved or he never cared. The latter hurt far too much to consider.

_**Now I lie awake and scream in a zero gravity  
And it's starting to weigh down on me.  
Let's abort this mission now  
Can I please come down?**_

_**So tonight I'm calling all astronauts**_  
_**All the lonely people that the world forgot**_  
_**If you hear my voice come pick me up**_  
_**Are you out there?**_  
_**'Cause you're all I've got!**_

With a rev of my engine, I focused more on flying and less on my chaotic thoughts. A quick burst of energon from my specialized fuel tanks sent me careening forward far faster than a normal Terran jet should be able to go.

_**And tonight I'm feeling like an astronaut  
Sending SOS from this tiny box  
And I lost all signal when I lifted up  
Now I'm stuck out here and the world forgot **_

Primus how I wanted to change the station, but I knew that if I did I would just change it right back. The song reminded me of a tune that Soundwave would play for me back on Cybertron. When the moons rose high and I was scared, he would sit beside me as silent as always and play tunes such as this.

_** 'Cause tonight I'm feeling like an astronaut  
Sending SOS from this tiny box  
To the lonely people that the world forgot  
Are you out there?  
'Cause you're all I've got!**_

My spark ached at the words of the song, another spurt of energon into the large engine and I was sky rocketing forward, slowly lowering closer to the terrain without realizing it. Leaves went flying behind me in a whirl wind, dust scattering up in the air and settling on ground long after I passed.

_** Can I please come down?  
'Cause I'm tired of drifting round and round.  
Can I please come down? **_

_**Can I please come down?**_

_**Can I please come down?**_

_Maybe I shouldn't be flying so low_, I distantly thought, recognizing the dangers of being this low in altitude and flying at the speed I was. It was one of the first things Seeker carriers and sires taught their young, dangers on certain flying altitudes and conditions.

The brilliant yellow star the humans called the 'Sun' was slowly fading as the Earth rotated on its axis. Soon the beautiful moon would take its place, sadly it was a new moon this night meaning I would have to wait a month more or less to see the wholeness of its beauty. The last rays of light faded with the last lines of the song. A part of my spark faded with it.

Slowly the trees became far and few between, and smooth road turned into compact dirt. I grimaced internally and slowed down as I didn't want any more dirt to fly up into my intakes. Sure I could fly higher like I was _supposed_ to and then clogged intakes wouldn't be such an issue, but I didn't want to right now. I tilted my frame, my wing barely three feet above the ground as I moved west towards the base.

I hated the Terran base with a fragging passion. I missed being a DJ back on Cybertron at one of the most popular clubs in Vos. I missed everything, but missing and wishing wouldn't get me anywhere for Cybertron was dead.

Flying over the chain linked fence I ignored the rattles and flew to the open roofed hanger that held my quarters. It was sparse below, but I recharged in the rafters so it was no problem for me. Seekers liked being up high, it was how we were. Bird like as we may be, I still disdained the idea of living with a trine.

I refused to do it again after seeing my last trine mates get offlined and leaving me to drown in my insanity all alone. I wouldn't put myself back through that for my programs. Speaking of programs, I winced and ignored the blinking red message on my HUD that kept stating the obvious: Trine mates unidentified.

I tried to ignore it, but the message kept popping up causing me to growl lowly. My white wings striped with burgundy twitched in irritation.

**Trine: Unidentified**

** Objective: Designate trine mates.**

** Yes / No.**

** No.**

I knew that the message would pop up again, but for now, I was blissfully free of it. I knew deep down I needed a trine, it was ingrained into every Seeker and flyer, pit even our close cousins the Praxians, but... I couldn't bring myself to do it. Besides every bot here on base was a ground-pounder, I had no qualms with them, but if I were to form another trine, we would all be flyers. All or nothing.

I slowly landed down onto the hanger floor and transformed. My frame splitting apart and reshaping into that of a seeker, my deep gold optics hidden by a glowing blue visor. Activating my thrusters I levitated into my 'nest', it was a small raised loft really.

Heaving a soft sigh I bunked down, curling my slender frame into a loose ball. One of my wings was hanging off the rafters, the position similar to how a bird would lay a wing over the side of the nest to sun its feathers or keep its young in place.

Turning my helm, I studied the stars far above me, wishing that Steelwhirl and Stormsky were still online. If only. I missed their warm frames curled around me. Had it only been a human week since I lost them already? It felt like a thousand vorns.

Shuttering my optics from the painful memories, I forced my recharge protocols. Tonight I wouldn't remember. Tonight I wouldn't cry. Tonight I would be strong. Tomorrow I promised myself; tomorrow I would grieve.

* * *

**AN:**

Annnnnd another one is finished! A thousand thanks to Khalthar, my beta reader! ^_^

He's helping me with my next chapter of BA as we speak, so hopefully I'll have it out by tomorrow.

Oh! Yesterday, the Sixth of November was my 18th Birthday! I got my belly button pierced, cool huh? Once it's healed I'm gonna get either the Autobot or Decepticon symbol ring to put in, don't tell Soundwave or the other cons but the Autobots are my favorite. Shhhhh. haha.

Hope you enjoyed, thoughts, ideas, opinions?

**~D.R. Out**


End file.
